A scoring rubric for jukebox musicals
Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Neil Diamond.
The war is over and the jukebox musicals have won. At least, for the time being. Whatever dream I had of a Broadway season featuring exclusively original scores now feels hopelessly naive. As the theater industry continues to recover from the pandemic, the producers willing to take chances on wholly new material are fewer and farther between. And while there are still exciting and innovative musicals on Broadway (I love you Kimberly Akimbo), theater has become increasingly reliant on IP.
It’s depressing when you put it that way, but it makes sense. Most shows don’t recoup, and producers would rather not risk trying something completely different when they could be putting their money behind an adaptation of a beloved movie—or a show with hit songs they know tourists love. The jukebox musical has been a tougher pill to swallow for me, in many ways. While I’ve seen plenty of terrible musical adaptations of movies, they at least mostly have original scores. Jukebox musicals have a tendency toward sameyness, both because I’ve heard all the songs before, and because they lean so heavily on the biomusical format that it borders on parody.
But what I’ve learned—and it probably goes without saying—is that not all jukebox musicals are created equal. I can’t personally finance a Broadway season of entirely original scores, so I’m now just trying to distinguish the lazy trash from the surprisingly creative within the jukebox genre. To do that, I created a simple scoring rubric that can easily be applied to any one of these shows that I see. Ultimately, it feels like a fairer way to analyze musicals that I have an innate (but healthy) disdain for.
Here’s what it looks like—
Originality of story: Is there something that feels fresh about this story, or is it just telling an artist’s story and falling back on all the most familiar tropes? (X/10)
Preponderance of bops: I don’t think this needs any explanation. How many bops are there? Are they of a high quality? It’s subjective, but I’m right. (X/10)
Integration of music: Are the songs entirely diegetic, and if so, do they still work to move the story forward? If people are breaking into song, does it feel labored? (X/10)
Musical self-awareness: The worst jukebox musicals take themselves (and the artists they’re celebrating) way too seriously. Are we having any fun with the material? Are tongues firmly planted in cheeks? (X/10)
Audience self-awareness: Does the audience know they are seeing a live performance? The more they sing along, the lower this score is. Whether or not it’s fair to blame that on the show, I’m going to. (X/10)
Total score: X/50
I figured the best way to show my rubric in action would be to score a few of the currently running jukebox musicals. But first, let’s test it on one of the actual best jukebox musicals, just to show that I’m not a perpetual hater.
Head Over Heels
Originality of story: Yes, it’s an adaptation of existing material—specifically The Countess of Pembroke's Arcadia. But that’s not exactly something you see often, and it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with the story of The Go-Go’s. (8/10)
Preponderance of bops: “Vacation,” “We Got the Beat,” “Our Lips Are Sealed,” “Heaven Is a Place on Earth.” It’s an embarrassment of riches, and even the relatively deeper cuts are pretty fantastic. (9/10)
Integration of music: All of the songs are non-diegetic, and they almost never feel like they’ve been forced to fit the plot. Except maybe “Vacation,” and even then you can’t be mad about it. (9/10)
Musical self-awareness: Often surprisingly sincere, but not in an annoying way. What the show takes seriously—self-love, sexual and gender identity, having the beat—deserves to be taken seriously. We’re having fun here. (10/10)
Audience self-awareness: Saw it several times, and never once heard anyone sing along. Everyone got it. (10/10)
Total score: 46/50
See, the system works! OK, onward to three of the currently running Broadway jukebox shows (even though Head Over Heels should still be running, and maybe needs to be revived immediately with the original cast).
A Beautiful Noise
Originality of story: It’s a Neil Diamond origin story, so no real surprises here—except for the fact that the frame narrative is a therapy session and Neil is not doing well. Given how much these shows tend to be hagiographies, it’s a fun twist. (4/10)
Preponderance of bops: I once saw a Neil Diamond impersonator open for an ABBA cover band, and he said, “Never let anyone tell you that Neil Diamond doesn’t rock.” He wasn’t wrong, but nothing comes close to “Sweet Caroline.” (7/10)
Integration of music: A mix of diegetic and not that basically works. There are some creative moments, like when the show becomes Ragtime as “America” scores an influx of Jewish immigrants. It’s very literal, but still pretty stirring. (6/10)
Musical self-awareness: Are we meant to sincerely believe that “Sweet Caroline” was the result of divine intervention? Unclear! But the show seems to be having a little fun with the mythos of Neil Diamond, while not being afraid to take him down a peg or two. (6/10)
Audience self-awareness: They will sing, because it’s physically impossible to not do the “bah bah bah.” Also, the show encourages it, so you can’t really be bothered. (5/10)
Total score: 28/50
A Beautiful Noise is running at the Broadhurst Theatre. Buy tickets here.
& Juliet
Originality of story: It’s a feminist reimagining of Romeo & Juliet in which William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway (his wife, not the actor) are also characters. Fun! At the same time, it’s 2023 and a feminist reimagining of Romeo & Juliet isn’t that original. (7/10)
Preponderance of bops: The Max Martin song choices are pretty unimpeachable. For those of us who grew up in the era of bubblegum pop and ‘90s boy bands, there are so many choice cuts, but there are also plenty of 2000s pop classics. (10/10)
Integration of music: It’s very Moulin Rouge-y in that every time a song starts, you internally cheer or groan. Often it’s a combination of the two. But it’s a Max Martin jukebox musical, honey, let’s get a little silly with it! (7/10)
Musical self-awareness: This is a tough one. On the one hand, & Juliet is here for a good time (and ideally also a long time). On the other, it has a few too many moments where it maybe thinks it’s more important than it is. Mostly, it’s good, self-aware fun. (8/10)
Audience self-awareness: The audience basically brings the right energy to this show, though it’s possible that I lucked out by not sitting close to anyone singing along. Given the karaoke power of these songs, that’s extra impressive! (8/10)
Total score: 40/50
& Juliet is running at the Stephen Sondheim Theatre. Buy tickets here.
MJ the Musical
Originality of story: How to score this… Like, yes, it’s creative that the book (by Lynn Nottage!) takes place as Michael Jackson prepares for the 1992 Dangerous World Tour. But you quickly realize that frame is just a vehicle for predictable flashbacks. (3/10)
Preponderance of bops: There are over 25 Michael Jackson hits in this, and they’re all incredible, why lie. (10/10)
Integration of music: Whenever they try to do a non-diegetic number, it’s extremely embarrassing. When they do a diegetic one, it’s usually just an impersonation of the real thing. But the dancing is great! (5/10)
Musical self-awareness: Yeah, no. (2/10)
Audience self-awareness: They will sing along! They will also boo the documentary filmmaker pointing out that Michael’s addiction to painkillers is a problem, even though that is what ultimately killed him! Anyway, I hope they had fun. (2/10)
Total score: 22/50
MJ the Musical is running at the Neil Simon Theatre. Buy tickets here.
Feel free to use this rubric to score any jukebox shows you see, or modify it to your liking. Or feel free to shun the jukebox genre entirely—but if you do that, make sure you’re also supporting the shows with original scores that aren’t based on existing property, because those often need a little extra love!